The Absurd Theater of American Politics: RFK Jr., Elon Musk, and the Battle Against Books

In today’s episode of “Are We Still Pretending This Is Normal?” we begin with the nation’s newest Health Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a man whose medical credentials include drinking raw milk and putting roadkill on the food pyramid. You may remember RFK Jr. as the guy who brought the phrase “vaccines cause autism” from fringe forums to cable news—like if your uncle’s Facebook post was given a cabinet position.

RFK Jr. kicked off his tenure with a press conference on autism that went over about as well as a fart in a phone booth. In his remarks, Kennedy claimed that autism is “preventable,” which, aside from being medically debunked, was delivered with all the compassion of a parking ticket. The reaction? Swift, loud, and furious. People with autism, families of autistic individuals, and the general public lit up with anger over Kennedy’s bleak characterization of autistic people’s lives—implying they would never date, write poetry, or file taxes.

Let’s be clear: autistic people can date, do write poetry, and yes, many even file taxes—though the latter might be more of a punishment than a benchmark for quality of life. Maybe RFK Jr. just got confused and thought art history majors were the real tragedy.

Still, RFK Jr. seems determined to prove himself the Simon Cowell of developmental disorders—judging who deserves joy and who doesn’t, based on standards only he understands. And to “help” with his scientific inquiry, he’s hired David Geier, a man so notorious for pseudo-science that the Maryland Board of Physicians fined him for practicing medicine without a license. Geier is the kind of guy commercials warn you about when they say, “Nine out of ten doctors agree…”

At this point, Kennedy’s autism research strategy seems less like science and more like a Scooby-Doo plot. If he had his way, every peer-reviewed study would end with “…and I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling facts!”

But let’s take a break from RFK’s roadkill remedies and turn to Elon Musk, walking proof that autistic people can achieve absolutely anything—including destroying social media platforms, moonlighting as Iron Man’s weird cousin, and propositioning crypto influencers via DM.

According to reports, Musk messaged cryptocurrency personality Tiffany Fong, asking if she’d like to have his baby—before they’d even met in person. Elon, buddy, maybe try talking to someone before offering up your gene pool like it’s a giveaway on X (formerly Twitter, currently a dystopian mood board). There are social boundaries, even for billionaires.

While some people slide into DMs with “hey” or an emoji, Musk apparently prefers the romantic stylings of “Would you like to make a child with me?” Imagine being on a dating app and getting matched with a guy who opens with: “Just checking—wanna co-parent?” And somehow that’s not the weirdest thing he’s done this quarter.

But if you thought government absurdity had reached its peak with Kennedy and Musk, enter Pete Hegseth, the Defense Secretary who seems hell-bent on protecting the country—from ideas.

In a move that would make Orwell proud and librarians weep, Hegseth ordered the Air Force Academy and Naval Academy to remove hundreds of books related to diversity, gender, race, feminism, and even the Holocaust. Because, of course, the real enemy in America isn’t disinformation or war—it’s wokeness.

And in a cruel twist of irony, while books about civil rights and marginalized identities were being purged, Mein Kampf—yes, that book—was allowed to remain. That’s right: books about Rosa Parks are too controversial, but Hitler’s manifesto? Apparently perfect for a beach read.

This isn’t just censorship. It’s performative, dangerous, and stunningly idiotic. Imagine walking into a military library and asking, “Do you have any books about empathy, justice, or equality?” only to be told, “No, but we do have some genocidal ideology for your reading pleasure.”

If you think this is where the madness stops, think again. In response to America’s spiraling culture war, the White House has apparently launched a new streaming platform: The Whiterion Collection. Think Criterion Collection, but make it MAGA. Titles include 12 Years of What-Have-You, Really Hidden Figures, and Brokeback Mountain: They Just Herded Cattle and That’s It, Okay?

Gone are films like Encanto, The Color Purple, or Moonlight. In their place? Sanitized tales of cowboys who definitely weren’t gay and sports teams that were almost entirely white. It’s the kind of platform where “diversity” means three shades of khaki.

All of this paints a bleak but absurdly entertaining portrait of American public life in 2025. We have a Health Secretary who thinks autism is worse than taxes, a tech billionaire trying to breed like he’s running a crypto eugenics startup, and a Defense Secretary who thinks feminism is more dangerous than fascism.

But let’s end on a serious note: autistic people are people. Marginalized communities deserve to have their stories told. And a nation that bans books while promoting conspiracy theorists is not protecting its children—it’s indoctrinating them.

So whether you’re dodging anti-vax pseudoscience, rejecting unsolicited baby offers from billionaires, or trying to find a copy of The Diary of Anne Frank in a military library that somehow thinks Mein Kampf is safer—just remember: sanity, like libraries, must be defended.

And if all else fails, you can always stream Cool Runnings, the inspiring story of a bobsled… with no one in it.