Fans are still obsessed with Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber — even though they’re in happy new relationships. Why therapists say it’s hard to let go of ‘the one that got away.’

Mental health experts explain why some fans can’t stop obsessing over their favorite celebrities’ exes.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up years ago, but some fans can’t stop shipping them. (Getty Images)

Selena Gomez just dropped an album with new fiancé Benny Blanco, but some fans still haven’t gotten over her breakup with Justin Bieber.

Never mind the fact that Bieber’s been married to wife Hailey since 2018 — the two welcomed their first child together last summer — or that Gomez and Bieber parted ways years ago, ending a relationship full of dramatic ups, downs and breakup songs. Scroll through social media and you’ll find oodles of throwback clips, fan edits and heartfelt posts reminiscing about the “Jelena” era.

This phenomenon isn’t unique to Gomez and Bieber. Former spouses Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt essentially broke the internet when they grazed hands backstage at the 2020 SAG Awards, sparking hope among some fans for a reconciliation. And though Taylor Swift is in a much-celebrated relationship with NFL star Travis Kelce, some Swifties on social media have coined themselves “Joe’s widows” — that is, fans who are still mourning the “Lover” singer’s previous relationship with actor Joe Alwyn.

Even when stars appear to be happy in their new, potentially healthier relationships, there’s a reason some fans can’t stop obsessing over their favorite celebrities’ exes, mental health experts say.

Why we’re obsessed with celebrity couples … even after they split

One of the reasons we can’t let go of celebrity couples when they split is because we idealized them when they were together — not only the individuals, but also the story that they represent, therapist Jennifer Teplin, founder of Manhattan Wellness, tells Yahoo Life. Consider Swift and Alwyn, for example: Many fans credit him with helping Swift heal after she left the public eye following her feud with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in 2016.

“We love a story. We love a good narrative. We love good characters,” Teplin says. “And with famous people, there’s PR, there’s editing — they’re showing what they want you to see.”

In our own relationships, Teplin explains, “we can see the good and the ugly.” But with celebrity couples, we often focus only on the positives — and the purposefully built narratives can cause people to get swept up in a celebrity romance the same way we might with the characters in a romantic comedy.

BetterHelp therapist Sreela Roy-Greene says that oftentimes we grow attached to celebrity couples because we see their dynamics reflected in our own past or current relationships. That could include the “hopes and dreams” we have for our own love lives — like when Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus rekindled their relationship after years apart, giving fans hope that they too could wind up marrying the one that got away. (Cyrus and Hemsworth ended up divorcing after only eight months of marriage.)

But when we become too emotionally invested in the stories we build around celebrity couples, it can feel “very personal” when those relationships fall apart, Roy-Greene says. And that can lead us to cling to the past long after the celebrities in question have moved on.

It’s not just celebrity couples we cling to

The deep pull some fans feel toward former celebrity couples also mirrors the way some people still fantasize about what could have been with their own Gomez or Bieber.

Many people have scrolled Instagram, seen a photo of an ex and thought, What if? But some people take this fantasizing to another level, Roy-Greene says.

“I think a lot of it has to do with the dreams we had pegged on that relationship, and grieving those things,” she says. “A lot of it has to do with the narrative you created about that relationship. You thought this person was going to be it. You thought this person held all the ideals you wanted in a partner — and when things were good, they were great.”

Teplin says that when a relationship ends, it’s all too easy to see things through “rose-colored glasses,” because “as humans, we tend to ignore the bad and focus on the good, just as a natural way to keep moving forward.” But if putting a positive spin on a relationship that didn’t work out turns into obsessing over what could have been, it can hinder our ability to really move on and grow.

While there are cases where a relationship can be given another shot, Teplin says that often, there are “true differences” or unresolvable issues that make it impossible. Remembering what those problems are, potentially with the help of a therapist, can bring someone who is obsessing over an ex back to reality.

“Oftentimes what people are grieving isn’t just the person who got away, but also the fantasy. It is disorienting to have to imagine a new future for yourself after being attached to one path for so long,” Allison Raskin, a relationship coach and author of I Do (I Think): Conversations Around Modern Marriage and the new novel Save the Date, tells Yahoo.

Raskin says it might not even be the ex that you’re obsessed with, but rather the person you were in that relationship. “Maybe that was a period in your life when many things were going right or you were young with less responsibility, but in your head, it all gets attached to being with the specific person,” she says.

Despite how intense this longing may feel, Raskin says it’s important to remember that you “don’t even know that person anymore.”

“We are constantly evolving as people, and the person you remember likely doesn’t exist in current day,” she says. “Also, what are the chances that current you is compatible with current them? We can cherish memories of someone without having to spend our future with them.”