Naya Rivera’s Ex Ryan Dorsey Speaks Out for the First Time About the Glee Star’s Tragic Death and Raising Their Son Alone (Exclusive)

“I’m not a big believer in everything happens for a reason because I can’t ever think of a reason why he doesn’t have his mom,” the actor tells PEOPLE

This summer will mark five years since Glee star Naya Rivera’s shocking drowning death, but for her ex-husband, actor Ryan Dorsey, reminders are everywhere.

“I’m here in L.A. working at Warner Bros., and Forest Lawn Cemetery [where she’s buried] is on the other side,” Dorsey, 41, tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue, on newsstands Friday. “So many songs make me think about her, like Amy Winehouse’s ‘Valerie,’ which she sang on Glee, and ‘Sunflower’ by [Post Malone and Swae Lee] because I always used to get her sunflowers on Sundays.”

There’s also the fact that Dorsey’s son with Rivera, Josey, now 9, closely resembles his mom — and he has her personality to match.

“He’s definitely his mama’s son, because when he doesn’t get the answer he wants, he keeps talking,” Dorsey says with a grin. “He likes to talk, and that’s mama for sure.”

As Josey poses with his dad during their PEOPLE photo shoot at Calamigos Ranch in Malibu, Calif., on Feb. 3, he comfortably strikes up conversation with the adults around him, cracking jokes and excitedly describing his favorite video games (Minecraft and Plants vs. Zombies, to name a few).

“He doesn’t know a stranger,” Dorsey says. “He is such a happy kid.”

Anais & Dax

All About Naya Rivera’s Son Josey Hollis Dorsey

Josey’s resilience isn’t lost on his dad or anyone familiar with their story: Josey was only 4 when he watched his mom drown at 33 on July 8, 2020, while they were swimming off a rental boat in Lake Piru in Ventura County, Calif.

“I treat him differently than I would a normal kid because of what he’s been through,” Dorsey admits. “For me, it’s not a big deal if he hears a bad word or if he sees someone get killed on TV. I don’t know if that’s a bad way to go about raising him, but it is the cards we were dealt.”

While Dorsey has largely remained quiet in the years since losing Rivera — still beloved among fans for her role as outspoken cheerleader Santana Lopez on Glee from 2009 to 2015 — he finally feels ready to talk about the tragic events and what his and Josey’s lives have looked like since.

“I’ve never been one to talk about my life like this,” he says. “I’ve turned down so many of these kind of things, because it was too hard. I still can’t really look at pictures of her, and it’s still hard to talk, but I feel like I’m ready. There’s just so much that happened.”

Ryan Dorsey and Son Josey Talk About Naya Rivera ‘Every Day’ 3 Years After Her Death (Exclusive Source)

Ryan Dorsey photographed with son, Josey; Naya Rivera.Anais & Dax; Presley Ann/Getty

The day Rivera died began without much fanfare for Dorsey. He had driven from L.A. to Big Bear Lake, Calif., for a friend’s birthday and was in a Ralphs supermarket when he received a call from Rivera’s mom Yolanda’s husband to tell him that Rivera was missing after taking Josey swimming.

“I instantly said, ‘What do you mean? She knows how to swim,’” Dorsey says. “He said, ‘They jumped in, and Josey got back on, and they’re trying to find Naya.’ I collapsed into a pallet of drinks. I didn’t know what to think, but I feared the worst.”

He immediately got into his car and sped the 145 miles to Lake Piru.

“I drove 100-and-­something the whole way with my four-way hazards on, chain-smoking cigarettes — and I don’t even smoke, really — and just crying,” he says. “I just wanted to get to Josey.”

Josey had been found asleep and alone on an adrift pontoon boat that Rivera had rented three hours earlier that day.

“If we’d have lost both Naya and Josey, I don’t know how I would continue on with my life,” Dorsey says. “I don’t know what I would’ve done, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have been good.”

‘Glee’ Reunion! Heather Morris Honors Naya Rivera with a Sweet Tribute as Cast Comes Together

For five days search-and-rescue divers looked for Rivera.

“It was the worst five days of my life,” says Dorsey. “There was a fear, what if we don’t find her? It was just awful.”

The search concluded on July 13, when Rivera’s body was found in a remote part of the lake. Dorsey says Josey has recalled more details of that day over time. He remembers that it was windy and describes being worried about getting into the water, but his mom told him, “Don’t be silly!”

Ryan Dorsey in Malibu, Calif., on Feb. 3.Anais & Dax

After some time swimming, Rivera noticed the boat — which hadn’t been equipped with an anchor or flotation devices, points that Dorsey included in the wrongful-death lawsuit he filed on behalf of Josey against Ventura County that was settled in 2022 — was drifting.

She told Josey to swim back. He remembers grabbing “the tanks” and pulling himself “around the boat,” says Dorsey. (The incident report said Rivera drowned after exhausting herself getting Josey back on the boat.)

“He said that the last thing she said was his name, and then she went under, and he didn’t see her anymore,” Dorsey says, tears welling up in his eyes. “It just rocks my world that he had to witness her last moments.”

Dorsey says Josey still holds a lot of guilt.

“Something he’s said over and over is that he was trying to find a life raft, and there was a rope, but there was a big spider on the rope, and he was too scared to throw it,” Dorsey says. “I keep reassuring him, ‘Buddy, that rope wasn’t going to be long enough.’ That obviously still sticks out in his head because he feels like he could have saved her. I think she just got caught up in a brush — that or a weird undercurrent from the dam. It was just a freak occurrence.”

Dorsey — who dropped 40 lbs. due to the stress of Rivera’s death — also can’t help but think that if he’d been there, he could’ve done something to change the outcome of the day.

“I probably would have jumped in, and I like to think I would’ve saved the day,” he says. “But on the other hand, I think maybe something bad could have happened to both of us. I don’t know.”

After Rivera’s funeral, Dorsey took Josey back to his home state of West Virginia to get away from paparazzi. When they returned to L.A., Rivera’s younger sister Nickayla, 30, moved in with them for about a year.

“She was such a big help,” he says. “I had to go to Vancouver for five months and Josey came the last month to stay with me, but during the time I was gone she held it down and kept that consistency. It was very surreal sometimes because the way she would say things to Josey would sound like his mom.”

Ryan Dorsey and Naya Rivera’s Sister Shop Together as She Speaks Out About ‘How Things Look’

Throughout their relationship Dorsey and Rivera were no strangers to having to weather headline-making ups and downs. They met during a night out in 2010, after Rivera’s Glee costar Heather Morris approached Dorsey and told him, “My friend thinks you’re cute. Go talk to her.”

“I’m not the approaching type of guy,” Dorsey says. “So Naya finally walked up and said, ‘What’s your name?’ That’s how we started talking.”

Naya Rivera as Santana in ‘Glee’.FOX Image Collection via Getty

Ryan Dorsey Says He and Son Josey Have Difficult Conversations About Naya Rivera After Her Death

Through the years, Rivera and Dorsey dated on and off, but “when we were apart, I always thought about her,” he says. “I thought she was someone that I could marry, because we were just so silly and we got each other.”

They officially rekindled their romance after Rivera split from her ex-fiancé, rapper Big Sean, in April 2014.

“The girl I was talking to would always see these headlines or pay attention to TMZ, and she knew of our history, so she was like, ‘Oh, did you see what happened to your girl?’” Dorsey recalls. “I forget what the drama was, but I reached out. I sent an email, like, ‘Hey, I saw this happened. I hope you’re doing all right.’ She responded, ‘Where are you?’ We met up and had dinner, and that was kind of the catalyst for us starting to get back together.”

Naya Rivera and Ryan Dorsey in 2014.Jonathan Leibson/Getty

During one of their breakups, Naya found out she was pregnant with Dorsey’s child and got an abortion. She didn’t tell Dorsey about it until later.

“I just remember telling her, ‘I wish you thought you could have trusted me with that information so I could have helped you do whatever you wanted to do,’” he says. “When we got back together, we both were like, ‘Oh, this is a second chance.’ This sounds silly, but I felt like the world deserved that second chance of me and her having a kid.”

Ryan Dorsey Says He ‘Never Will’ Have Answers to Son’s Heartbreaking ‘Why’s’ on Naya Rivera’s Birthday

They wed on July 19, 2014, Dorsey’s birthday, and when they found out they were pregnant with Josey, “I jumped up and started crying,” Dorsey remembers.

“I’ve had tears of joy three times in my life,” he says. “The first time was my first job when I booked Parks and Recreation. I had five lines. The second time I had tears of joy was when they said, ‘It’s a boy.’ Every guy wants a boy, right? The third time was our wedding.”

Anais & Dax

Things took a rocky turn in their relationship in 2016 when Rivera filed for divorce but had the filing dismissed months later. In 2017 Rivera was arrested and charged with misdemeanor domestic battery after she allegedly hit Dorsey while taking Josey, then 2, for a walk. She filed for divorce for a second time shortly after, and the charge was dismissed at Dorsey’s request.

“It was a monumental disaster,” says Dorsey, who plans to share more details about the arrest in an upcoming memoir.

Even after their divorce, “we went back and forth playing house,” Dorsey says. “We were going to try to have another baby and all the things. We went to Maui to look at places and get a fresh start, and then we fell out again … If I knew what I know now, I would’ve tried to do things differently to make it work.”

And no matter whether they were off or on, “we always put Josey first,” Dorsey says. “He had a good schedule. If one of us couldn’t do it, we always would fill in. We never had any real turmoil about raising him together. We were very good co-parents.”

Naya Rivera, Ryan Dorsey and their son Josey in Maui in 2019.Ryan Dorsey/Instagram

Since Rivera’s death, Dorsey has been feeling the weight of juggling fatherhood and his career, especially as Josey has started asking questions he can’t answer.

“We made this book of memories for Josey that sits by his bed, and during the holidays he was crying looking at it,” Dorsey says. “You can only give him a hug and tell him, ‘I know, life is not fair. Bad things happen and there’s no reason for it, and you just have to do your best to be a good person.’”

“It’s hard trying to explain things that you can’t really make sense of no matter what age you are,” he continues. “I’m not a big believer in everything happens for a reason because I can’t ever think of a reason why he doesn’t have his mom.”

Naya Rivera and son Josey in 2019.Gregg DeGuire/Getty

His move back to West Virginia with Josey two years ago has made things a little bit easier.

“When we were living in L.A. for the two years after Naya’s death, I was auditioning in my garage, rent was $6,000 a month, and it’s like, I’m getting nothing for Josey’s future,” he says. “It didn’t make sense to stay because COVID changed our industry to where all my auditions were on tape, and I can audition in a garage anywhere. West Virginia is just a completely different place. There’s not much to do, but it feels safe and there’s no traffic.”

Another benefit to West Virginia is that it offers “more bang for your buck,” he says.

“I’m a single parent, I’m the only one earning money for Josey,” he says. “Everyone thinks that if she was successful, and if I’m on TV, that you have a bunch of money, but no one really knows the financial situation. I didn’t leave L.A. because we were just sitting on a bunch of money.”

He next appears as the mysterious Frank Whales in the Feb. 16 episode of the CBS hit Tracker — “I have a good face for crime, apparently,” he jokes of often being cast as the bad guy — and has been in L.A. filming for a “very cool” Apple TV+ show he can’t talk about just yet. He also has partnerships with brands like Happy Head and Soula supplements.

“I’m a bit of a journeyman actor,” he says. “I haven’t gotten my big break yet as a series regular, and I’m hopeful that’s going to happen soon. There were so many people who were influential in the business that reached out when Naya died, like, ‘Yeah, we’ll look out for something for you and we’ll get you on something.’ Then they turned into ghosts. It was disheartening, but it’s fine.”

Outside of work, he’s getting pressure from Josey to date.

“It’s sad but sweet that he’s been telling me for years that he wants a brother and a stepmom,” says Dorsey. “Expecting someone to sign up for my life and his life, it’s not easy. I think he’s easy, but all the variables, it’s a lot to ask from someone.”

Naya Rivera’s Son Josey, 5½, ‘Misses His Mom’ and ‘Recalls Their Life Together,’ Says Family

Naya Rivera’s ex Ryan Dorsey and their son Josey in Malibu, Calif., on Feb. 3. In the meantime he’s focused on keeping Rivera’s memory alive — he’s going to throw a “blowout” birthday bash for Josey when he turns 10 on Sept. 17 that he hopes would make party planning-pro Rivera “proud” — and relishing every day with his son.

“I’m trying to be the best parent that I can be and raise a good little man,” he says. “He gives me a reason to keep going with my life.”